The Rodeo

Attention: Potential Parents

I know that of the several readers I still have, there are at least several considering reproducing. I present here a few of the downsides that come with spawning little humans.

1 - Bodily fluids - small children manage to expel somewhere in the order of three times their body weight in fluids every day (and more when they are sick). The unrelenting tide of filth that exudes from kids manages to get everywhere. No clothing, furniture or orifice* is safe.

2 - Sleep deprivation - I’ve never been drunk, but I think that the reduction in regular sleep means I’m often worse than the alcoholics that wander the train hurling abuse at anyone they make eye contact with. More often than not, it is the spouse that ends up on the receiving end of this enforced sleeplessness. The reduction in working IQ is also considerable - imagine you never finished third grade - that level of intelligence you’d kill for.

3 - Reversion to the 3rd person - Daddy is often found referring to himself as though he was an external entity. Even at work. This lack of personal pronouns has a profound effect on his mind. Does ‘I’ even exist any more, or is it merely a hallucination.

4 - Money? What’s that? - OK, this one isn’t quite that bad, but it is a fact that small children cost a fair amount to run. You can get by without costing too much, but you won’t likely be able to impulse buy that new plasma TV, or go out to a fancy restaurant more than once every blue moon.

5 - Lack of personal space - As your mini-people get slightly less miniature, you will find they want to climb all over you. But only when you are trying to do something, like eat. Or sleep. Oh yes, a little man launching himself onto your back while you try and recover from the lack of sleep is an almost certainty. And for someone so small, they manage to always hit the most vulnerable spots**.

There is, however, an upside to having children, and it is this:

RodeoClown: loves his kids.

*I’ve heard it suggested that the worst place to cop a spew from a small kid is in the mouth. This is bunk. The worst is in the ear - you can spit out anything that lands in your cake-hole and remove the flavour with copious mints, toothpaste and mouthwash, but when it gets in your ear, weeks later you’ll still feel the squidging. It’s impossible to remove.

**Yes, that’s exactly what I meant.

Here’s the first photo of #3:

We went for an ultrasound today and after measuring her, the ultrasonic lady said that he was due February 14, 2008. Which is about two weeks earlier than we were expecting. It also means we were too late for the nuchal translucency test, which has to be done by thirteen weeks (we are at fifteen).

RodeoClown: daddy

Sam and Soph have followed my lead, and are running through the 40 day Adultitis escape plan.

Sam has been whining on Facebook that no-one has linked to their latest video (he’s acting like a child already!) showing the artist within being outed. In order to appease him, please, follow this link. Recording the outcomes of their daily escapism is a great idea.

They also write lots of other great stuff, and for that reason you should read their archives and subscribe to their RSS feed.

That link again: this link.

RodeoClown: fellow artist.

I just found out that everyone at my old job was just fired.

If anyone knows of any jobs available, can you let me know and I will pass on the info to my mates back at Proxima/Compuware. Most of the guys are Java developers, but there is a good mix of other skills too (web development and systems administration plus a few other languages).

Thanks in advance.

Update: a small bit of backstory:

• - Proxima was bought out at the beginning of the year by Compuware.
• - We were rushed through two crappy projects.
• - Pay reviews were pushed back throughout the year till the start of October.
• - Everyone was just fired, finishing up at the very end of September.
• - This means that everyone gets a redundancy payout based on their old pay level.
• - Compuware management are jerks.

RodeoClown: missed it by that much.

Go look at the Change Blindness Demonstration at the USD Internet Psychology Labs.

Tell me how long it takes you to spot the difference in each of the images (any comments with what the changes are will be deleted).

RodeoClown: too long.