We recently had our aerial reconnected (neither at my request nor desire). After two years of not having television, suddenly it has re-entered our house and reminded me why I can’t stand TV.

There are six things Ian detests, seven that he hates:

1 – Ads. I’d forgotten how annoying they are. And how frequent. And now they are on SBS too – in the middle of the news. If you really must advertise, than use Google’s advertising method: show ads at least tangentially related to what you are viewing. Makes a lot more sense to me than throwing ads for feminine hygiene products into the path of this twenty-something male with a wife who does her own shopping.

2 – Sex. It’s far too easy to find myself watching something with far too much skin. I’m trying hard to make my wife the sole concern of my sexuality, and shows concerning themselves mainly with sex make this much more difficult than it needs to be. SBS, you are a prime contender in this arena – especially with your Friday night soft-core pornography ‘documentaries’.

3 – Sloth. It’s disgusting, but I can’t stop watching it. Moving from the lounge is hard, and often more than my work-abraded willpower can take. I’ll do the dishwasher later. I’ll take care of my wife’s needs once this show is over. I’ll just wait till the end. Even if it’s boring me. To death. Slowly.

4 – Speed (specifically the lack thereof). I can’t speed up TV. I can read things faster if I choose to. I can skip to the next song on a CD or the next chapter on a DVD. Sometimes I just want to know the outcome of a show, but have to sit through till the credits to see it. I couldn’t be bothered going online to find out what is going to happen (see previous point).

5 – Seduction. Even though I don’t like it, the longer the TV is available, the more I find myself wanting to just “see what’s on” when I walk past. Intellectually I don’t care, but the call is strong.

6 – Social Norms. Everything going on in TV-land seems to have a set of values that clashes with just about everything I believe. Adultery ‘Affairs’ are commonplace, and a bit of harmless fun. Everybody fornicates* on the first date – if they even get around to ‘dating’. Living together, sure, why not? So many kids think that this is how the world really works, and they are going to get burned. I don’t want my kids to think that commitment is meaningless.

7 – Seven. Did I mention I hate Channel 7? My two most recent reasons: Today Tonight and Heroes. One of which they keep showing, and the other they stopped. I’ll let you, discerning reader, figure out which is which.

RodeoClown: watching.

*Replace with a synonymous F-word for a more accurate description. It’s not love.