What gets the most out of me? Respect. Trust. Confidence. When someone expresses confidence in me, shows trust, shows respect, that is when I feel the most driven to give 110% or more.
-Dan Phillips, Glimpse into the psyche of a half-decent guy (for the ladies)
Most people will try and exceed your expectations of them. Expect them to fail, and they’ll do it spectacularly. Expect greatness, and they’ll do their best to meet it.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t work if you expect greatness for twenty minutes, and then give up. That kind of flip-flopping will more than likely provide the exact opposite response.
In the comments of Dan’s post, “Kim” wrote the following:
I learned the hard way that when I express doubt in my husband, he figures there’s no pleasing, so why bother. Showing trust and confidence does indeed work much better.
Ladies, that pretty much sums up we men. We’ll take the easiest route every time. If putting in extra effort gains us no benefit*, next time we won’t bother.
Lads, take note – even if she doesn’t seem to notice, try and put in the hard yards. If you can give your woman a reason to encourage you, hopefully she’ll start doing it more often, in response you will try even harder – and then you can start a positive feedback loop, and eventually explode with encouragement and achievement**.
Excuses of “s/he didn’t, so I won’t” don’t cut it. It’s hard work, but worth it.
RodeoClown: reinforcing positively
*Benefits can include a smile, encouraging words, lasagne, and more!
**That’s probably a good thing…